its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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