You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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