it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
