By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
