And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
