Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
