I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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