There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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