I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
