Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
