my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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