well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
