Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize