Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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