if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
