u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
