Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
