I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
