I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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