we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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