I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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