I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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