so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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