Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
