Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
