I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
