my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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