I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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