I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
