Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
