It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
