Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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