I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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