Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
