So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
