You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
