He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize