You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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