i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
