dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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