guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize