Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
