oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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