you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
