the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
