I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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