I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
