Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
