I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
