i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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