He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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