in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
