im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
