Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize