you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
