I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
