make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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