i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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