i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
