Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
