sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
