Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
