the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
