just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
