Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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