I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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