i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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