Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
