There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
how drunk are you?
Several
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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