i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
