Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
