Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
