i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
