so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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