Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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