What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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