Umm I'm too high to move.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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