Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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