I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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