Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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