I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize