Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
