So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
