I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
