half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
