i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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