can we get nightvision for the apartment?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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