How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
FUCK WHALES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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