So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
