u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
