I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
