Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize