On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
