is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
