How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
