so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
