Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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